I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
