then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
