the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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