i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
