If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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