that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
