Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize