this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
