ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
