can we get nightvision for the apartment?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
