bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Still dying that you shit outside
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
