my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
