Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
