HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize