He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
as a side note pls kill me
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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