i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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