I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
