Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
