If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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