I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
