Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's blow job season.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
