T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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