Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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