Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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