I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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