It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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