Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
