I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
