well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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