i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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