please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
