I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can't turn off my feet"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize