Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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