Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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