Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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