k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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