Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
