You can't motorboat a personality
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
