9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize