even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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