YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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