mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
