the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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