Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
