she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
