I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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