i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
