Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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