My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
