Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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