I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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