I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just gift wrapped bread.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
