ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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