You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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