Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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