My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize