Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
