hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
