i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i dont even know how to be here
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
