Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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