Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
