just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
