I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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