is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
