We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
worst night to have a conscience
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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