im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
