Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
