She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
