Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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