hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
