Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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