walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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