Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
