Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
